he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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