like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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