no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
