It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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