Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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