I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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