After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
