Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
