if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
