What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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