I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
