There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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