maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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