The maid of honor just puked.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
