we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
