i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
