But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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