Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
