I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
