i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
