so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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