I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
