i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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