i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
