So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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