I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
