"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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