i just wanna soil my oats bro
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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