we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
