Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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