hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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