I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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