I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
