i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
