I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
