he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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