I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
