i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
