but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
