I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
