roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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