She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
