They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
