Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
