I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
