Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

(214): View more from Texas

so how much did i say i owed you?

(972): View more from Texas

$5 and a new fuck buddy.

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(315): View more from New York

You smell like a Billy Joel song

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(650): View more from California

ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person

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(912): View more from Georgia

you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?

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(269): View more from Michigan

You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

(269): View more from Michigan

If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

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(315): View more from New York

Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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(905): View more from Ontario

We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.

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(850): View more from Florida

I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.

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(587): View more from Alberta

He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!

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