So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
