Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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