Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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