I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
